Celibacy is a lifestyle that anyone and everyone can choose to pursue regardless of their past. However, there are some who feel discouraged in being celibate if they have had a sexual past. They wonder what's the point since they are no longer virgins. This post is for them…
So, you want to be celibate. You believe it's time to do things differently. However, the thought of being celibate just remains a thought because you keep thinking “Well, I've had sex before, so what's the use of abstaining now?” OR “I've had a baby. Is there any point in being celibate now?” OR “Guys won't take me seriously. I've slept with so many men! They'll just laugh at me when I tell them I'm celibate!” OR “I was raped and my virginity was taken from me. Is there any point in being celibate now? Shouldn't I just continue having sex?”So many scenarios… where do we begin?
Let's begin with those who've, in the past, made the conscious choice to have sex.
Okay, first of all, let me say, “I get it”. You made the conscious choice to have sex in the past. It happens. Sometimes we make wrong choices. Plain and simple. However, I truly believe it's ONE thing to make a mistake (or a series of mistakes), it's totally another thing to CONTINUE in those mistakes simply because you made a mistake in the first place! Am I making sense?
The truth is, we all have THE RIGHT to choose a different path for our lives FROM THIS DAY FORWARD! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! No one has the right to try and keep you BOUND to the mistakes of your past. Also, don't keep yourself bound to the mistakes of your past. Again, you have THE RIGHT to choose to do things differently N-O-W!!!
It is also worth touching on something central to this discussion : namely that celibacy is more than just an intact hymen. It is so much more than a physical state.
So you can decide today – regardless of the choices you've made in the past – to have a different lifestyle! You can decide today to live a celibate lifestyle – and you don't need to CARE what another person thinks about the choices you are making for YOUR life! It's worth repeating for the third time now : You have THE RIGHT to choose to do things differently from this day forward – without apologies to anybody!
For those for whom sex has been a dis-empowering experience in the past (because it was against their will), after establishing that professional help should be sought in order to deal with the emotional and psychological trauma, celibacy can help you feel empowered again and help you see the beauty in sex. A negative sexual experience – particularly at an early age – can mean that that individual has been ‘sexualized' early. Continuing on a path you did not make a conscious choice to be on means that you continue to live dis-empowered. It's important to take back your power by getting off that path you were placed on. Celibacy has so many benefits, not the least of which is that celibacy can instill in you a sense of self-worth and value for yourself even as you make the conscious decision that only the one who has made the life commitment to you will sleep with you. And every time you make that decision, your sense of worth increases.
In addition, when we choose to do things God's way by abstaining from sex until marriage, we position ourselves to experience the BEAUTY of sex – the way God intended it to be. We allow love, trust, self-control, as well as respect grow and blossom in our relationships. We learn that love – and the process of making love – is a ‘giving' experience and not a ‘taking' one.
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